Doctors say ok...
May. 26th, 2015 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sleepybadgerSo Zen's doctors say he's OK to go back to work. I'm very nervous about this. I don't know that it's a good idea. But I also feel like I'm being the crazy one. He fractured his skull and had a small bleed in his brain. Head injuries are notoriously tricky. I am really worried that something will come up later. I know he was ridiculously lucky. He never really lost consciousness, even when he was in the ER he was responsive and appropriately answering questions. He hasn't had any symptoms at all that we've noticed other than a small amount of dizziness when changing positions (going from lying down to sitting up, sitting to standing, etc - it doesn't happen every time, and it only lasts for a couple seconds). When he was in the ICU the ICU doctor flat out said there was no need for him to be in the ICU. They came in regularly to do lots of testing, checking his pupils, his reflexes, having him hold up his hands, touch his fingers to his nose, etc. He passed every test every time with no problems.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I am just so afraid of something bad happening.
And I can't shake the feeling like... he's a different person. This is based on *nothing*. He seems to be his usual self. He's sweet and loving and kind and thoughtful, none of his behaviors have changed. But last night we were intimate for the first time since the accident and... I felt like I was with a new person. This is weird, I know. And like I said, he hasn't said or done anything out of the ordinary.
I think some of this is because of my dad. My dad has a degenerative condition that was diagnosed a bit late because we didn't push my mom to take him in to get checked out until things had progressed to a point where she couldn't ignore it anymore. There was even more that we could see in retrospect, but there were at least 6 months worth of "incidents" that we commented on but didn't push mom about. Eventually she brought him in and he was diagnosed and put on medication, but as his condition worsens, I can't help but think that if we'd pushed her to bring him in earlier, maybe it would have kept him in relatively functional form longer.
I'm just worried that, say, 3 months from now or 6 months from now, or 2 years from now he'll start having seizures or some other issues. And by then the workman's comp won't do anything for him. I don't want to miss anything and regret it later.
And maybe I'm just being crazy here. I feel like I'm the only person who thinks this is a big deal. He's eager to get back to work, the doctors said there's no reason for him to not go back to work. So what choice do I have? What else can I do?
Last night when we were getting ready to go to sleep he quietly asked me if I still wanted to be with him after all this. I said "of course!" He said he felt bad that I was so worried about him and he didn't want to cause me any anxiety or worry. I said "we're partners, I will always worry about you, and if the situation was reversed, you would be doing the same thing."
Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I am just so afraid of something bad happening.
And I can't shake the feeling like... he's a different person. This is based on *nothing*. He seems to be his usual self. He's sweet and loving and kind and thoughtful, none of his behaviors have changed. But last night we were intimate for the first time since the accident and... I felt like I was with a new person. This is weird, I know. And like I said, he hasn't said or done anything out of the ordinary.
I think some of this is because of my dad. My dad has a degenerative condition that was diagnosed a bit late because we didn't push my mom to take him in to get checked out until things had progressed to a point where she couldn't ignore it anymore. There was even more that we could see in retrospect, but there were at least 6 months worth of "incidents" that we commented on but didn't push mom about. Eventually she brought him in and he was diagnosed and put on medication, but as his condition worsens, I can't help but think that if we'd pushed her to bring him in earlier, maybe it would have kept him in relatively functional form longer.
I'm just worried that, say, 3 months from now or 6 months from now, or 2 years from now he'll start having seizures or some other issues. And by then the workman's comp won't do anything for him. I don't want to miss anything and regret it later.
And maybe I'm just being crazy here. I feel like I'm the only person who thinks this is a big deal. He's eager to get back to work, the doctors said there's no reason for him to not go back to work. So what choice do I have? What else can I do?
Last night when we were getting ready to go to sleep he quietly asked me if I still wanted to be with him after all this. I said "of course!" He said he felt bad that I was so worried about him and he didn't want to cause me any anxiety or worry. I said "we're partners, I will always worry about you, and if the situation was reversed, you would be doing the same thing."
