Thoughts about parties, RSVPs and excuses
May. 7th, 2015 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sleepybadgerI feel like people who can't be bothered to RSVP for an event, especially something like a wedding or an event held at an "outside" location (e.g. not in someone's living room) where there will be food are people who have never thrown a party that requires a count of people. That and/or they just have so much money that they don't care if they have to pay for an extra 20 people who don't show up.
I've thrown or hosted a number of events over the years both at work and personally that required me to give a count of guests to the restaurant/event hall/etc, and I am constantly amazed be peoples' inability to get their shit together.
Sure, sometimes there's bad stuff going on in your life and you forget to send it in, and we've all been guilty of losing track of time, especially when you have a very short time period to RSVP (I am thinking of this because I received a wedding invitation today that requires me to RSVP by a week from tomorrow). Unfortunately, you often need to build in a cushion to the dates. If I need to give my final guest count on May 30th, I'm going to ask people to RSVP no later than the 23rd, so I have time to chase down the people who didn't RSVP. Sometimes it also gives me a little breathing room when people change their minds about attending.
And when it comes to reasons/excuses for not attending... personally, I don't want you to tell me what your reason is, because there's a good chance it's going to piss me off. If you don't want to come to my party, just tell me no, sorry, I/we can't make it. If this event is important enough to me that I am spending thousands of dollars on it, and I have invited you, I probably really want you to be there. If we've been friends for 20 years and you tell me you're not coming to my important event because you're coming home from vacation the day before and you might be tired or because your company is having a cocktail hour the same day as my party, I'm probably going to be pissed. And yes, of course, there are circumstances that make a difference on that. If you're flying in from being out of the country, yes, I understand that you're going to be tired and jetlagged and won't have fun at a party. If you're hoping to make a name for yourself and advance at your company and this cocktail hour is how you do it, I get that too. But really, I'd rather just not know what your reason is, because you're probably not going to give me that level of detail. It also depends on how close we are. If you're a friend from work that I've only known for a couple years, I'll be less upset than I will about someone I've been close to for decades. And it does depend on what it is. A legitimate excuse will still leave me disappointed though.
However, I would much rather get a lame excuse at the RSVP stage than at the last minute stage. And again, shit happens. Your kid gets sick or your car breaks down or a family member dies or whatnot. I'm talking about the people who tell you the day before about some dumb ass thing that came up, in time to tell you before the event but with not enough notice to actually not have to pay for them. Sometimes this evens out with the people who tell you the day before 'hey, I know I said no but my plans fell through so can I come and bring my friend?'
Someone who RSVPs no with a lame excuse hurts my feelings, but not my pocketbook. Someone who RSVPs yes and then cancels at the last minute hurts both.
Time to mail my RSVP.
I've thrown or hosted a number of events over the years both at work and personally that required me to give a count of guests to the restaurant/event hall/etc, and I am constantly amazed be peoples' inability to get their shit together.
Sure, sometimes there's bad stuff going on in your life and you forget to send it in, and we've all been guilty of losing track of time, especially when you have a very short time period to RSVP (I am thinking of this because I received a wedding invitation today that requires me to RSVP by a week from tomorrow). Unfortunately, you often need to build in a cushion to the dates. If I need to give my final guest count on May 30th, I'm going to ask people to RSVP no later than the 23rd, so I have time to chase down the people who didn't RSVP. Sometimes it also gives me a little breathing room when people change their minds about attending.
And when it comes to reasons/excuses for not attending... personally, I don't want you to tell me what your reason is, because there's a good chance it's going to piss me off. If you don't want to come to my party, just tell me no, sorry, I/we can't make it. If this event is important enough to me that I am spending thousands of dollars on it, and I have invited you, I probably really want you to be there. If we've been friends for 20 years and you tell me you're not coming to my important event because you're coming home from vacation the day before and you might be tired or because your company is having a cocktail hour the same day as my party, I'm probably going to be pissed. And yes, of course, there are circumstances that make a difference on that. If you're flying in from being out of the country, yes, I understand that you're going to be tired and jetlagged and won't have fun at a party. If you're hoping to make a name for yourself and advance at your company and this cocktail hour is how you do it, I get that too. But really, I'd rather just not know what your reason is, because you're probably not going to give me that level of detail. It also depends on how close we are. If you're a friend from work that I've only known for a couple years, I'll be less upset than I will about someone I've been close to for decades. And it does depend on what it is. A legitimate excuse will still leave me disappointed though.
However, I would much rather get a lame excuse at the RSVP stage than at the last minute stage. And again, shit happens. Your kid gets sick or your car breaks down or a family member dies or whatnot. I'm talking about the people who tell you the day before about some dumb ass thing that came up, in time to tell you before the event but with not enough notice to actually not have to pay for them. Sometimes this evens out with the people who tell you the day before 'hey, I know I said no but my plans fell through so can I come and bring my friend?'
Someone who RSVPs no with a lame excuse hurts my feelings, but not my pocketbook. Someone who RSVPs yes and then cancels at the last minute hurts both.
Time to mail my RSVP.
