sleepybadger (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sleepybadger) wrote2015-05-18 10:34 pm
sleepybadger) wrote2015-05-18 10:34 pm
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Thoughts on living with someone, part 2
Since I discussed my (non-existent) experience living with someone in my previous post, I thought it was only right that I should also explain my bf's experience.
He is also an introvert but he has spent the majority of his adult life living with someone. He was married and had kids young, after his marriage was over he sometimes lived alone, sometimes lived with a gf, and sometimes lived with a roommate. When we met, he had a roommate. He had no issues sharing space with people.
Probably not surprisingly, he brought up living together first. I am definitely the foot-dragger in this relationship. He knew he loved me very early on but held off telling me because he knew it would freak me out. When he suggested that we should think about living together, I also freaked out. Fortunately he suggested it via text so he didn't have to see the look on my face. I told him I wasn't there yet and asked if he was ok with us waiting for a while. He was. He brought it up fairly early (well, early in my mind. We had been dating about 7 months at that point). Bringing it up then was a good plan - it gave me time to think about it, get used to the idea, etc. We started planning on moving in together around the end of the year that year. The anniversary of our first date was in early October, he suggested October, I had suggested December - not for any particular reason, but I figured that would give me more time to get some cleaning done, we'd have been together for over a year, etc.
He ended up taking a financial hit around September, and asked me if his cats could move in with me in October, and he would live with his parents until I was ready for him to move in in December. I told him not to be silly and we could move up our move-in date. We talked it over and agreed that he (and the cats) would move in in November.
I was terrified. Even though we had spent just about every single Wednesday and Fri - Sun together for the past year, this was a huge, scary step. I was afraid we would drive each other nuts. I was afraid I wouldn't feel at home with him, or I would want him to leave. I was afraid he would be annoyed by me, frustrated by my lack of cleaning, or otherwise just get aggravated by me and it would destroy our relationship.
He is totally zen. Nothing phases him. I am the worrier. He is the laughing buddha. He actually considers himself a buddhist. I think maybe I'll call him Zen for this journal. :)
I don't love living with his cats, as I've mentioned in the past. But as it turns out, living with him was far easier than I could have guessed. He loves to cook and enjoys cleaning. He works on different areas of the house, especially if I'm away for a couple of days. Because he enjoys cooking, I told him to make the kitchen into whatever worked best for him. So far, he's cleaned the kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom and second bedroom. He hasn't done our bedroom yet and he has a few more things he wants to do in different places, but it's like a whole different home. No more little pathways to walk around. The whole floor is clear (at least until I get home and start messing it up).
I'm also a snuggly person. That was probably one of the hardest things about being single for me. I craved the touch of another person. Yes, occasionally I would hook up with a friend, but sometimes I would go weeks or months without ever being touched by another human being. When someone would companionably pat my shoulder in a meeting I would want to cry. Lucky for me, Zen is also a snuggly person. I usually get home later than he does, and when we get home, we snuggle and kiss for a while. He always kisses me goodbye before work every morning. In the evening and on the weekend if we don't have plans, we usually snuggle up together on the couch and either watch tv together or each do our own thing (e.g. playing on our tablets, reading a book, listening to music, etc). Even if we're not doing the same thing, we're snuggled up while we're doing it. It's really nice. :)
So for the most part... living together is really nice. But there's always those... little things that make it a little weird or tricky.
He is also an introvert but he has spent the majority of his adult life living with someone. He was married and had kids young, after his marriage was over he sometimes lived alone, sometimes lived with a gf, and sometimes lived with a roommate. When we met, he had a roommate. He had no issues sharing space with people.
Probably not surprisingly, he brought up living together first. I am definitely the foot-dragger in this relationship. He knew he loved me very early on but held off telling me because he knew it would freak me out. When he suggested that we should think about living together, I also freaked out. Fortunately he suggested it via text so he didn't have to see the look on my face. I told him I wasn't there yet and asked if he was ok with us waiting for a while. He was. He brought it up fairly early (well, early in my mind. We had been dating about 7 months at that point). Bringing it up then was a good plan - it gave me time to think about it, get used to the idea, etc. We started planning on moving in together around the end of the year that year. The anniversary of our first date was in early October, he suggested October, I had suggested December - not for any particular reason, but I figured that would give me more time to get some cleaning done, we'd have been together for over a year, etc.
He ended up taking a financial hit around September, and asked me if his cats could move in with me in October, and he would live with his parents until I was ready for him to move in in December. I told him not to be silly and we could move up our move-in date. We talked it over and agreed that he (and the cats) would move in in November.
I was terrified. Even though we had spent just about every single Wednesday and Fri - Sun together for the past year, this was a huge, scary step. I was afraid we would drive each other nuts. I was afraid I wouldn't feel at home with him, or I would want him to leave. I was afraid he would be annoyed by me, frustrated by my lack of cleaning, or otherwise just get aggravated by me and it would destroy our relationship.
He is totally zen. Nothing phases him. I am the worrier. He is the laughing buddha. He actually considers himself a buddhist. I think maybe I'll call him Zen for this journal. :)
I don't love living with his cats, as I've mentioned in the past. But as it turns out, living with him was far easier than I could have guessed. He loves to cook and enjoys cleaning. He works on different areas of the house, especially if I'm away for a couple of days. Because he enjoys cooking, I told him to make the kitchen into whatever worked best for him. So far, he's cleaned the kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom and second bedroom. He hasn't done our bedroom yet and he has a few more things he wants to do in different places, but it's like a whole different home. No more little pathways to walk around. The whole floor is clear (at least until I get home and start messing it up).
I'm also a snuggly person. That was probably one of the hardest things about being single for me. I craved the touch of another person. Yes, occasionally I would hook up with a friend, but sometimes I would go weeks or months without ever being touched by another human being. When someone would companionably pat my shoulder in a meeting I would want to cry. Lucky for me, Zen is also a snuggly person. I usually get home later than he does, and when we get home, we snuggle and kiss for a while. He always kisses me goodbye before work every morning. In the evening and on the weekend if we don't have plans, we usually snuggle up together on the couch and either watch tv together or each do our own thing (e.g. playing on our tablets, reading a book, listening to music, etc). Even if we're not doing the same thing, we're snuggled up while we're doing it. It's really nice. :)
So for the most part... living together is really nice. But there's always those... little things that make it a little weird or tricky.