theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

In case you forgot, I’ll be at Borderlands Books (my favorite place in SF) at 3:00 pm this Saturday to read to you from my new book The Uploaded, sign whatever you put in front of me, and to, as usual, go out for hamburgers afterwards.

(And if you’re extra-special-good, I may do a super-secret advance MEGA-preview reading of The Book That Does Not Yet Have A Name. Not that, you know, you shouldn’t be rushing out to your stores to buy The Uploaded right now.)

I will, of course, bring donuts after my massive DONUT FAIL in Massachusetts, which I still wake up in cold sweats about. I will bring you donuts or die.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

Let Life Happen.

Sep. 20th, 2017 10:13 am
theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

“I’m not up for sex,” she told me. “I’ve had a lot of medical issues lately. It’s more painful than not to even try.”

“Cool,” I said, and we spent the day going to a street festival.

I woulda liked sex. But life happens.


“I’m in the middle of my seasonal affective disorder,” I told her. “You show up, I might not be able to leave the house. I might just curl up and cry all day.”

“Cool,” she said, and I was pretty morose but we cuddled a lot and eventually managed to go out to dinner.

I woulda liked to have a working brain. But life happens.


“I’m not sure I can make it through this convention,” they told me. “My flare-ups have been really bad this season. I might not be able to go out with you in the evenings.”

“Cool,” I said, and I went out for little hour-long jaunts before heading back to the room to cuddle them, then charging out again to circulate.

I woulda liked to have them by my side when I hit the room parties. But life happens.


I’m a massively flawed human with a mental illness. I need to have poly relationships that include for the possibility of breakdowns. Because if I need to have a perfect day before I allow anyone to see me, I might wait for weeks. Months. Years. And then what the fuck is left by the time I get to see them?

I know there are people who need perfect visits. They have to have the makeup on when you visit them, and they’ll never fall asleep when they had a night of Big Sexy planned, and if they get out the toys there’s gonna be a scene no matter how raw anyone’s feeling.

But I can’t do that.

My relationships aren’t, can’t be, some idealized projection of who I want to be. If I’m not feeling secure that day, I can’t be with a partner who needs me to be their rock so the weekend proceeds unabated. And if they’re feeling broken, I can’t be with someone who needs to pretend everything is fine because their time with me is their way of proving what a good life they have.

Sometimes, me and my lovers hoped for a weekend retreat of pure passion and what we get is curling up with someone under tear-stained covers, holding them and letting them know they will not be alone come the darkness.

We cry. We collapse. We stumble. We don’t always get what we want, not immediately.

But we also heal. We nurture. We accept.

And in the long run, God, we get so much more.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

I knew musicals could cheer me up, but I’d never heard of one that gave me new tools to deal with chronic illness and depression. Yet when I saw Groundhog Day last Wednesday, I was so stunned by what a perfect, joyous metaphor it was for battling mental illness that I immediately bought tickets to see it again that Saturday.

I would have told you about this before, but it was too late. The show closed on Sunday. A musical that should have run, well, for as long as Phil Connors was trapped in his endless time loop only got a five-month run.

But I can tell you about it.

I can tell you why this musical made me a stronger, better person.

———————————–

So let’s discuss the original Groundhog Day movie, which is pretty well-known at this point: Bill Murray is an asshole weatherman named Phil who shows up under protest to do a report from Punxatawney, Philadelphia on Groundhog Day. He’s trapped in town overnight thanks to a blizzard. When Phil wakes up the next morning, it’s Groundhog Day again. And again. And again.

Phil goes through several phases:

  • Incredulous as he can’t believe what’s happening to him;
  • Gleefully naughty as he uses his knowledge of people’s future actions to indulge all his greatest fantasies;
  • Frustrated as he tries to romance Rita, his producer, but he’s too cynical for her and nothing convinces her to hop in bed with him unless everyone else in town;
  • Depressed as he realizes that his life is shallow and there’s no way he can escape;
  • Perplexed as he tries to rescue a dying homeless man but realizes that nothing he can do on this day will save this poor guy;
  • And, finally, beatific as he uses his intense knowledge of everything that will happen in town today to run around doing good for people.

Naturally, that’s a great emotional journey. It’s no wonder that’s a story that’s resonated with people.

Yet Groundhog Day changes just one slight emotional tenor about this – and that change is massive.

Because when Bill Murray’s character gets to the end of his journey, he’s actually content. He’s achieved enlightenment where he enjoys everything he does, toodling around on the piano because he’s formed Punxatawney into his paradise. He laughs at people who ignore him. He’s satisfied.

And when Rita, who senses this change even though she doesn’t understand why, bids everything in her wallet to dance with him at the Groundhog Dance, the Bill Murray Phil is touched but also, on some level, serene.

Andy Karl’s Phil is not happy.

We spend a lot more time in Andy’s Phil’s headspace, and at one point he breaks down because of all the things he’ll never get to do – he’ll never grow a beard, he’ll never see the dawn again, he’ll never have another birthday. Anything he does is wiped away the next morning.

Bill Murray’s Phil gets so much satisfaction out of his constantly improving the town that his daily circuit has become a reward for him.

Andy Karl’s Phil is, on some level, fundamentally isolated. People will never know him – at least not without hours of proving to them that yes, he is trapped in this time loop, he does know everything about them.  No matter what relationships he forms, he’ll have  to start all over again in a matter of hours. There’s no bond he can create that this loop won’t erase.

And so when Rita finally dances with Bill Murray, it’s shown as a big romantic moment. And in the musical –

In the musical, Rita moves towards Phil and everything freezes in a harsh blue light except for Phil.

This is everything Phil has ever wanted in years, maybe decades, of being in this loop – and instead of being presented as triumphant, everything goes quiet and Phil sings a tiny, mournful song:

But I’m here
And I’m fine
And I’m seeing you for the first time

And the reason that brings tears to my eyes every fucking time is because this Phil is not fine – he repeats the lie in the next verse when he says he’s all right. Yet this is the happiest moment he’s had in years, finally understanding what Rita has wanted all along, and this moment too will be swept away in an endless series of morning wakeups and lumpy beds and people forgetting what he is.

Yet that mournful tune is also defiant, and more defiant when the townspeople pick it up and start singing it in a rising chorus:

I’m here
And I’m fine

Phil knows his future is nothing.

Yet that will not stop him from appreciating this small beauty even if he knows it will not stay with him. Trapped in the groundhog loop, appreciating the tiny moments becomes an act of rebellion, a way of affirming life even when you know this moment too will vanish.

Can you understand that this is depression incarnate?

Which is the other thing that marks this musical. Because I said there was joy, and there is. Because when Andy Karl’s Phil enters the “Philanthropy” section of the musical (get it?), he may not be entirely happy but he is content.

Because he knows that he may not necessarily feel joy at all times, but he has mastered the art of maintenance.

Because tending to the town of Punxatawney is a lot of work. He has to run around changing flat tires, rescuing cats, getting Rita the chili she wanted to try, helping people’s marriages. (And as he notes, “My cardio never seems to stick.”)

When Bill Murray’s Phil helps people, it seems to well up from personal satisfaction. Whereas Andy’s Phil is thrilled helping people, yes, but his kindness means more because it costs him. On some level he is, and will forever be, fundamentally numb.

This isn’t where he wanted to be.

Yet he has vowed to do the best with what he can. He helps the townspeople of Punxatawney because even though it is a constant drain, it makes him feel better than drinking himself senseless in his room. He doesn’t get to have everything he wanted – also see: depression and chronic illness – and it sure would be nice if he could take a few days off, but those days off will make him feel worse.

He’s resigned himself to a lifetime of working harder than he should for results that aren’t as joyous as he wanted.

And that’s okay. Not ideal, but…. okay.

Andy’s okay.

And I think the closest I can replicate that in a non-musical context is another unlikely source – Rick and Morty, where Rick is a suicidal hypergenius scientist who’s basically the Doctor if the Doctor’s psychological ramifications were taken seriously. And he goes to therapy, where a therapist so smart that she’s the only person Rick’s never been able to refute says this to him:

“Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.

“You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it’s because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control.
You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces, your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.

“I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure. There’s no way to do it so wrong you might die.

“It’s just work.

“And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die.

“Each of us gets to choose.

“That’s our time.”

And yes, Groundhog Day the musical is – was – about that lesson of maintenance, as Andy comes to realize that “feeling good” isn’t a necessary component for self-improvement, and works hard to make the best of a situation where, like my depression, even the best and most perfect day will be reset come the next morning.

And yes. There is a dawn for Andy’s Phil, of course, and he does wake up with Rita, and you get to exit the theater knowing that no matter how bad it gets there will come a joyous dawn and you get to walk out onto Broadway and so does Phil.

But you don’t get to that joy without maintenance.

And you might get trapped again some day. That, too, is depression. That, too, is chronic illness. We don’t know that Phil doesn’t get trapped on February 3rd, or March 10th, or maybe his whole December starts repeating.

But he has the tools now. He knows how to survive until the next dawn.

Maybe you can too.

—————————–

Anyway. There’s talk that Groundhog Day will go on tour, maybe even with Andy Karl doing the performances. He’s brilliant. Go see him.

The rest of you, man, I hope you find your own Groundhog Day. I saw mine. Twice.

Perhaps it’s fitting that it’s vanished.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

Hard times, but also optimism

Sep. 18th, 2017 03:08 am
soundofsunlight: Poppies at sunset, my default icon. (Default)
[personal profile] soundofsunlight
I am not happy with my response time these days. I read people's new entries almost every day, but if I'm on the tablet, I only read. For typing, I need the laptop, which I only turn that on 2-3 times a week now, so I often fall behind with posting and replying. When I'm feeling better, I do turn on the laptop almost every day, but right now... I've been feeling exhausted and have been having trouble focusing. Earlier, I took some ingredients out of the fridge, and then just stood there staring at it for a few minutes; the gears in my head aren't turning as they should.

Also, on Friday I was agitated because I really needed touch, and then on both Saturday and Sunday I was nearly going crazy with the need, actually cried several times in frustration. I desperately wanted to talk to T, but I am making myself wait until Monday (she works weekends). I expect that talking to her will help at least a little, but I wish so much that I could see her in person. Gods, this weekend was so unbearable, if I had a ton of money I would have bought a plane ticket on the spot.

I feel a bit better now (Sunday evening), though. I had to force myself to go out today, because I wanted to just stay in bed. I did it reluctantly, but I did do my arm exercises and the 5-mile walk with Wyn, and I think it helped, because I felt noticeably better afterwards. I wouldn't have had the motivation to do it for myself, but I was thinking of Cor; I want to help, and to do that I first need to be functional, so for his sake I will do what I need to do.

Oh, some good news: Firefly gave me some potatoes, and after I had my dinner there was still some left over, and I thought "do I want more?" and the answer was no, I'm pleasantly full. Which makes today the first time in months that my hunger has been satisfied. It feels soooo good to not be hungry. I'm still rationing, and still no sign of a job on the horizon, but today has been...comfortable (at least food-wise), which I really really appreciate, after having lived with the discomfort of constant hunger for such a long time.

I hope this entry doesn't sound too negative. The exercise and food has helped immensely, and those positives are my focus, but I don't know if it comes across that way. Hopefully tomorrow will be similarly good with food and exercise, and if I can talk to T, that would make it and even better day, so I'm feeling optimistic.

Friday Five: a one to five mixed bag

Sep. 15th, 2017 11:42 pm
soundofsunlight: Poppies at sunset, my default icon. (default-sunshine)
[personal profile] soundofsunlight
Is it Friday again, already? Time just keeps rushing by...

This week's questions can be found here:
https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/72103.html

1. If you had a year off (with pay, to make it interesting), what would you do with it?
2. What are two things you would do to improve the country if you were in complete charge?
3. What three TV shows do you like watching?
4. What are your four favorite ethnic dishes?
5. What are five words you love to use?


1. I would want to spend it all with T. Probably at another time I could have come up with a more interesting answer, but right now all I want is to be with my love. Since the question only states that I'd have time off, I guess she'd still be working, in which case I'd take over most of the household chores, partly to make life easier for her, and partly because I get very restless unless I have *some* sort of work, and hobbies aren't enough for me. Although, if I had money for craft supplies, then I would also spend more time making things.

2. One, abolish daylight savings time; it's nothing but a headache. And two, require drivers to re-take and pass a driving test every time they renew their license. Because people apparently forget how to drive.

I know there are bigger problems than this, but I am a practical person; the first thing I always focus on is, what will have an immediate positive impact on people's day to day lives. I think it's best to start there, and then work outwards from there.

3. Star Trek (any), Zorro, M*A*S*H.

4. I wish some of these questions were in a different order. I could come up with four TV shows, but not four ethnic dishes. I like spaghetti, if that counts as ethnic. I like paprikash. Oh, and there's a thing called burek? Had to look it up: Börek is a family of baked filled pastries made of a thin flaky dough known as phyllo, of Anatolian origins and also found in the cuisines of the Balkans, Levant, Mediterranean, and other countries in Eastern Europe and Western Asia. Wikipedia

Can't think of a fourth. See, I never eat out, so I only eat what I can cook myself. (The burek came from a European bakery, long ago and far away, but it was so good that I still remember it.)

5. Let me see... delicious, tenuous, lovely, somewhat, greatly. At first I started writing words that I love, but the question asks for words you love to use, which is somewhat different. :)

Thankful Thursday

Sep. 14th, 2017 12:09 pm
ironymaiden: (debauched sloth)
[personal profile] ironymaiden
1. unconditional PTO. i was ill this weekend and i think that lack of actual restorative time hit me hard. yesterday when i woke up i couldn't anything. and i talked through it with C, and he said "it sounds like you need a vacation". and so i did.

2. C and i talked a lot yesterday and that was really good.

3. Patrick Tull reading Post Captain. i had completely forgotten about Stephen's 60k of bees, who have learned to like cocoa. plus all of my kayak-related reading has made all the bits about slack tide and sand bars make so much more sense. bonus: C has really gotten into this one, and requests replays of parts he missed.*

4. making the things. i don't think i've done any spinning since some time in July, and i've been making the same stupid pair of socks for several months. well, i finally finished those this week and wore them yesterday. after a few chilly a/c days at the office, i decided to knit a lace stole. which turned into looking at the three variations of the pattern and hacking together two of them to put together all the motifs that i liked. i spent a good chunk of my rest day working on it, and i'm into the second chart section. i don't know if it's just that fall is coming or what, but i'm glad to have my mojo back.

5. it hurts a little to say it, but the Channel 4 version of GBBO is actually fine. i've watched two episodes so far, and since someone else has already cut out the commercials, the only thing wrong is the lack of the wacky historical digressions. i feel like a traitor for not being gutted by the lack of Mary, Mel, and Sue, but the people playing Mel and Sue are really good at being Mel and Sue.



*it's only taken about ten years. *cries*
theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

As a reminder, I’ll be at Pandemonium Books and Games (which is an awesome store even in the absence of me) at 7:00 tomorrow to read to you, sign whatever you put in front of me, and probably go out for drinks and/or ice cream afterwards.

I hope to see you there! These donuts aren’t gonna eat themselves.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

Life's twists and turns

Sep. 11th, 2017 11:33 pm
soundofsunlight: Poppies at sunset, my default icon. (default-sunshine)
[personal profile] soundofsunlight
Okay, finally got a chance to write an update! I haven't had time since mid-August. I did manage to find a few minutes for the Friday Fives, but I've been too busy to write about anything else.

On Aug 12 I was contacted with a job offer. On the 13th I accepted, and we confirmed requirements and start date. It was a 3-month contract starting on Sep 5. I did not want to mention it before I actually started, in case it fell through like the last one. Well, it did fall through, but I'll write a bit about it anyway. I wanted to explain that the reason I haven't been around is because I had a ton of prep work to do in the second half of August (many errands, a bunch of sewing as none of my pants fit, a million other things), then I had no internet access from Sep 5-7, and only got an opportunity to get on DW again on the 9th, and only got on LJ again today, the 11th.

Work and why I left. )

Back in August, when I was running around trying to get organized, I was hoping that my next update will be that I'm working and at least financially stable enough to hold out until I can get a long-term paid job. Best laid plans of mice and men, eh?

Current plans:
-Look for other work, obviously.
-Crochet a scoodie (hooded scarf); I already have a pattern for it.
-Read the second Harry Potter book. I finally got around to reading the first book in July, and absolutely loved it. Now that I'm back in town, I can get the second one from the library.
-I have no idea.

What I have been doing since I got back:
-Watching over Cor, trying to help if I can.
-Daily exercise. Usually a 5-mile walk + some weight training for the arms. I do it because I feel that I need it. You know how spending too much time sitting will make you feel like you *need* to get up and move around? I now get that feeling if I don't exercise. It's an odd new thing since early August; I've never felt this way before, but I guess exercising is good for me, and it actually feels good since it's become a need, so okay.

So that's my life at the moment.
theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

So this fall I’ll be premiering my “You’re Far Away But Your Hearts Are Close” class on running successful long-distance relationships. And to make that work, I gotta ask y’all:

What would you like to see taught in a class about long-distance relationships?

Some of the questions I’m planning on answering to the best of my ability are:

  • How can you tell if someone’s genuine online?
  • What are the best practices for transitioning from an LDR into a “real life” relationship?
  • How do you handle arguments when you’re not able to cuddle and heal properly afterwards?
  • How does New Relationship Energy affect LDRs?
  • What sorts of relationships can LDRs offer?

But the classes I teach are for you (especially if you’re attending The Geeky Kink Event, Beyond The Love, or Indegeo Conception this fall – so I ask you, “What issues with long-distance relationships would you like to see covered in an LDR class?” I can’t promise I’ll bring it up, but in the best case you might inspire an essay or two later on.

So. What sorts of long-distance relationship issues are you curious about?

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

ironymaiden: (heroine: eowyn)
[personal profile] ironymaiden
Askhistorians post about Mulan complete with side by side translation of the ballad and a digression of north vs south in China and the history of laws against footbinding.

The Archaeology Of My Posture

Sep. 10th, 2017 10:36 am
theferrett: (Meazel)
[personal profile] theferrett

Salvatore doesn’t remember me.  I’d lay money on that.  I was merely one of his victims, and probably not the most interesting.

He terrorized an entire middle school, after all.

Salvatore won the adolescence lottery – while the rest of us were still waiting on deliveries of impending hormones, he got his testosterone nice and early, shooting up to six feet tall before he finished sixth grade.  He dwarfed teachers.  And he wore wifebeater shirts to show off his muscular arms and had one deep, bellowing call:

“OPEN CHEST!”

If Salvatore saw you, and you weren’t clutching books protectively to your chest, he would punch you in the chest as hard as he could.

I got hit twice.  All it took.

So I clasped my books against my chest like it was a baby, hunching my entire body around it, as did everyone else around me.  People in the halls scurried, because when Salvatore hollered his call even the teachers mysteriously disappeared.

I’m forty-eight years old.  It has literally been thirty-five years since I had to worry about Salvatore.

But my body has still not unclenched.

I know this because I’m in personal training right now, and they are panicked about my posture.  They point out all the muscles that have atrophied because I am a habitual slumper, the damage I’m doing to my spine.  They give me exercises specifically to strengthen my neck because my head hangs forward.

It’s been a month, and when I walk the dog, it’s now uncomfortable to slump.  I have too many aches in those clusters, so it’s easier to stand straight up with my spine properly aligned.

And I feel like an idiot.

I don’t have some crazy worry that Salvatore will appear out of nowhere and punch me – that’s the sort of simplistic one-to-one bullshit that bad writers think up.  No, Salvatore’s crumbled into a finer sediment.

What I feel when I walk properly straightened is foolish.  Because I grew up in a middle school where, because of Salvatore, “standing straight” was a form of pride.  Few kids stood up straight, and those that did usually got cut down something fierce by Salvatore, or had their own unique middle school qualities that made them unappealing to Salvatore’s form of bullying.

I’m not afraid of standing straight.  It feels preposterous.  I feel like people are staring at this idiot walking by with the puffed-out chest and the straight-ahead vision, this Frankenstein bodybuilder’s swagger, and who the hell does that guy think he is?

Yet when a photo of my recent book signing – which, I should add, I’m doing another one in Boston next week, and in San Francisco the week after – surfaced on Facebook, people didn’t recognize me at first.  “You’re looking a lot younger and you seem to be more comfortable standing,” said a friend who’s known me for a decade.  If people notice the way I’m standing, it’s probably a positive impression.

Yet there’s Salvatore.

And there’s all sorts of other memories churned up by walking properly.  I’m not craning my head down to see my feet, so I can’t see where I’m stepping directly, which makes me anxious because I had issues in gym class that caused me to self-identify as a clumsy kid and oh God I’m going to trip why am I walking like this.  I read while I walked on the way to school, and subconsciously I’m angling myself to read the book – or, now, the phone – that I should be looking at while I bumble along.

(Note that #2 contradicts #1.  The archaeology of my memories do not have to make sense when combined.)

And I’ve never thought about these.  It’s just ancient history silently bending me into another shape.  It’s only once I struggle to break free of this that I see how many influences I’ve quietly absorbed to make me believe that this is how I should be.

And I remember a friend of mine, when I told him, “We’re all controlled in part by subliminal impulses we don’t quite understand” and he said, confidently, “No.  Oh, no.  I know every reason I do everything.”  And I thought, even then, that this was a comforting lie he told himself in order to maintain the illusion that he was a being of pure rationality, because the alternative – that much of what we unconsciously decide is shaped by forces we had no control over – was terrifying to him.

But the truth is, we do have our own archaeologies.  Even something as simple as standing is the sum total of a thousand memories, and a few wrong inputs at the right time can change your position forever.

Imagine how complex it gets when it comes to relationships.  Or sex.  Or sex in relationships.

And that’s not to say that you’re powerless to fight these forces.  You’re only powerless if you deny their existence.  I’ve watched my rational, knows-everything friend make exactly the same mistakes across two divorces now, headed towards a third, in part because he can never see how his unconscious habits are undercutting his stated desires.

I’m not saying I’ll learn to stand properly.  This may be a lifelong battle, as it is with my weight, as it is with my mental health, as it is with my writing.  But it’s another tool I can use to battle back something harmful.

And I keep watch. I wonder what other aspects of myself got concretized without my ever knowing it.

I wonder what parts of me I get to dig up tomorrow and replant.

Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.

Friday Five: What makes you, you?

Sep. 8th, 2017 11:56 pm
soundofsunlight: Poppies at sunset, my default icon. (Default)
[personal profile] soundofsunlight
1) What makes you unique?
2) What are you really good at?
3) What are your best character traits?
4) What character traits do you need to work on?
5) What are some of your idiosyncrasies?


1. There could be a number of correct answers to this question. For one thing, I see the world in a different way than most people, so I notice things that others miss, or have unique insights sometimes.

2. Noticing details. Noticing patterns - and thus, good at logic puzzles. Crochet. Sewing. Doing a repetitive task for a long time - for me that's usually fun rather than boring.

3. What people tend to comment on is my kindness and caring. Another one that I value highly is perseverance.

4. Procrastination. It's funny, because I'm usually such a "get 'er done" sort of person, but if something is particularly difficult, I put it off, and keep putting it off. And when I finally do it, it usually turns out to be not half as bad as I expected. And I know that if I just went ahead and did it, it probably wouldn't be as bad as I expect, but I procrastinate anyway.

5. I move when I'm happy (ie, shift my weight from one foot to the other, back and forth). I'm not too strict about grammar, but I always use proper capitalization. I don't like posting more than one journal entry in a single day, so if I have more than one thing to write about, I will post just one, and then post the other one the next day (save it in a text file in the mean time). If I started typing on Friday but took too long to finish, and the clock rolled over to the next day because it's past midnight, I still consider it Friday and will change the date back by an hour to make it "the correct day" (yep, I just did that).
Page generated Sep. 22nd, 2017 03:17 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios