1) Do you want to get married?
no. i am already married. i would not like to change that.
did i want to get married? not for the sake of "being married", no. but certainly at the time i thought it was the natural thing to do to express our commitment and it continues to have financial and legal advantages that i consider very important. (it was also useful to get our families to treat us like full adults.) i know people who have been shut out of making medical decisions for their partner and that set of rights is very important to me.
2) Where would you like to get married?
if i could do it again, i'm kind of obsessed with this place
, which remains mysterious but seems like it should be a private club. since i probably don't have the connections for that dreamy view, The Ruins
would be nice. (it's hard to tell from the website, but that swanky eccentric inside is nested inside what looks like a rotting warehouse with trees growing through the broken roof.) or maybe i would make everyone go out to Kalaloch
or Doe Bay
. My one regret about my actual wedding and reception was that we didn’t have a pig roast.*
3) If you were getting married in a week, who would be in your wedding party?
is that a logistical question? there were no attendants when we got married, because to be honest neither of us had wedding-party-worthy friends living nearby. mimerki
, I guess?
...I've never been in a wedding party. There's only one person I wish had asked me and we're no longer friends.
4) What would your wedding colours be?
at the actual event i had red roses, green ivy, and heather in my bouquet; my dress and my hair were trimmed with ribbon roses in a variety of colors. nothing matched. i suppose if i had to make things match they would be green.
5) Does marriage mean to you 'til death do us part?'
well, it's working out that way so far and i hope that it continues so, but i'd be lying if i said that i never had times of doubt. i feel lucky that we've been able to work that out.
so no, i don't think it can be "til death", at least not legally or religiously. i think everyone who gets married for love thinks that it's going to last. but i think that people grow and change over their lifetimes and maybe you were really perfect together in the moment, but you don't grow in complementary ways. when that happens, you should be able to go. unhappy marriage is the worst.
*in PA there was this dude who would bring the equipment to your house. He had a rotisserie smoker he towed behind his truck and he would cook, carve, and serve a whole hog.